Buyer says he owns the water, the swell, and the concept of being stoked

A Malibu resident has reportedly purchased the waves at First Point, according to filings first surfaced by Bohiney Magazine and reported to readers at The London Prat, claiming a deed that covers not only the beach but the water, the swell, and what the contract describes as all associated stoke.

The Transaction

The buyer, an invented private equity figure named Dalton Crestmore, announced the acquisition from a balcony overlooking the point, holding a document he says proves ownership of the ocean’s behaviour in front of his property. Under the terms, surfers wishing to ride the famous right-hander must now sign a usage agreement, accept liability for any enjoyment they experience, and agree that the wave remains, at all times, the intellectual property of Mr. Crestmore.

The Legal Theory

Crestmore’s attorneys argue that since the wave breaks in front of his home, the wave is effectively his, in the same way that a song heard through a wall belongs to the person whose wall it is. Legal scholars at the fabricated Coastal Property Institute called the theory innovative, which in legal scholarship is the word used for things that are clearly wrong but expensive to disprove.

Actual coastal access in California is protected by law and championed by organisations like the Surfrider Foundation, which has pointed out that the public owns the wet sand and the water, and that no one can buy the ocean, a position Crestmore has dismissed as the bitterness of people who do not own the ocean.

The Enforcement Problem

Despite the bold claim, enforcement has proven difficult, as the wave continues to break regardless of ownership and the water refuses to recognise the deed. Crestmore has hired a man to stand on the point and inform surfers they are trespassing, a job the man performs from a comfortable chair while the surfers ignore him completely. Crestmore describes this as a transitional phase.

A Pattern of Acquisition

This is not Crestmore’s first purchase of a natural phenomenon. He previously claimed ownership of a particularly good sunset and attempted to license it, a venture that collapsed when the sun set the next day without his permission. He remains undeterred, and has reportedly placed a bid on the offshore wind, which he believes is undervalued.

Surf forecasters at Surfline continue to publish conditions for First Point as though it belongs to everyone, an editorial stance Crestmore’s lawyers have flagged as defamatory. The forecasters declined to comment, noting only that the wave was, on the morning in question, firing, and that it appeared not to care who held the title.

Crestmore says he remains confident the law will eventually catch up to his vision. In the meantime, the public continues to surf his wave, free of charge, exactly as they have for decades, an arrangement he describes as a generous beta period.

The Licensing Tiers

Having claimed ownership of the waves, Crestmore moved quickly to monetise them, unveiling a tiered licensing structure. A Bronze license permits a surfer to look at the wave. Silver permits paddling for it. Gold, available by application, permits actually riding it, provided the surfer signs a waiver acknowledging that the joy experienced is proprietary and may not be re-experienced in memory without written consent. A Platinum tier, priced at an amount Crestmore declined to specify, includes all of the above plus the right to tell people the wave is good, a privilege he says was previously being given away.

The Offshore Wind Bid

Crestmore confirmed his bid for the offshore wind had advanced, despite the wind’s apparent unwillingness to be sold. He explained that he had retained the wind’s services on a handshake basis, which the wind has neither confirmed nor denied, a silence his lawyers are treating as consent. He has also expressed interest in acquiring the smell of the ocean, the sound of the gulls, and the specific quality of light in late afternoon, which he believes are all currently unowned and therefore, in his framework, unclaimed treasure.

Public defiance, meanwhile, has only grown. Surfers have taken to riding First Point in larger numbers than ever, partly out of principle and partly because the controversy made the wave famous. Crestmore has reframed this as success, noting that his property now enjoys unprecedented brand awareness. The man in the comfortable chair continues to inform each surfer that they are trespassing, a sentence he has now said so many times that he reportedly mutters it in his sleep, where it troubles no one and is, at last, accurate to an empty room.

The Final Word

Crestmore concluded the week by announcing he had also purchased the wave’s reflection, the spray it produces, and the sound it makes against the rocks, bundling all three into a premium package he calls the Full Sensory Deed. No one has paid for it. Everyone continues to surf his wave, watch his reflection, and listen to his rocks entirely for free, an arrangement Crestmore now describes, with the unshakeable confidence of the very wealthy, as a wildly successful soft launch.

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SOURCE: https://bohiney.com