Beginner Surfer Successfully Stands Up on Wave for First Time Ever, Immediately Begins Explaining Technique to Other Beginners
Man with total surfing experience of eleven minutes now confidently offering unsolicited advice to fellow first-timers PISMO BEACH Local first-time surfer Gregory Halbrook successfully stood up on a wave for
Surfboard Shaper’s Twenty-Year Waiting List Reportedly Includes Several Customers Who Have Since Taken Up Golf Instead
Master craftsman’s meticulous handmade process has produced boards so anticipated some buyers no longer remember ordering them VENTURA Renowned local shaper Ernesto Villaverde’s famously exhaustive custom board process has produced
Surf Forecast App Notification Reading “Epic Conditions” Turns Out to Mean “Slightly Better Than Yesterday’s Genuinely Terrible Conditions”
Local surfers increasingly skeptical of app’s grading scale after repeated “epic” alerts produce distinctly non-epic actual waves OCEANSIDE A popular surf forecasting app’s “epic conditions” push notification has once again
Dog Surfing Championship Judges Accused of Favoritism After Golden Retriever Wins Third Consecutive Year on Pure Charisma Alone
Competing dogs demonstrate technically superior wave selection but reportedly lack the retriever’s “star quality” PACIFICA A golden retriever named Biscuit has won her third consecutive World Dog Surfing Championship despite
Surfer Who Moved to Huntington Beach Six Weeks Ago Already Correcting Tourists on Proper Local Etiquette
Recent transplant from Sacramento has fully absorbed and now aggressively enforces rules he didn’t know existed two months ago HUNTINGTON BEACH Local surf shop employee and six-week Huntington Beach resident
US Open of Surfing Spectator Has Watched Zero Actual Waves After Three Full Days, Cites “Genuinely Incredible” Food Trucks
Huntington Beach visitor reports fullest possible experience of the world’s largest surf competition despite never once looking at the ocean HUNTINGTON BEACH Local attendee Brenda Kowalczyk has attended all three
Surf Shop Employee Correctly Identifies Customer’s Skill Level Within Four Seconds of Watching Him Walk Through the Door
Twelve years behind the counter has produced an almost supernatural ability to read a customer before he’s said a single word SAN CLEMENTE Surf shop veteran Marcus Delgado has correctly
California Surfing Day Committee Announces Official State Sport Now Requires Mandatory Enthusiasm, Sparking Backlash From Casual Surfers
New guidelines suggest merely enjoying surfing “occasionally and without excessive branding” may not satisfy state requirements SACRAMENTO The California Surfing Day planning committee has released updated guidelines suggesting residents “fully
Surfer’s Elaborate Pre-Session Ritual Involving Seventeen Distinct Steps Reportedly Has No Measurable Effect on Actual Wave Performance
Local surfer’s stretching, chanting, and specific sequence of wax application shows zero correlation with ride quality, according to nobody who asked ENCINITAS Local surfer Kyle Ferrante has performed the same
Local Surfer Successfully Defends Break From Out-of-Towner Using Nothing But Extremely Passive-Aggressive Paddling
Windansea veteran deploys forty-five minutes of pointed silence and superior positioning rather than actual words LA JOLLA Longtime Windansea local Chad Brennerman successfully repelled a visiting surfer from Ohio on
Sand Berm Construction Crew Forms Rival Gang, Refuses to Let Actual Surfers Cross
Territorial dispute erupts between beach engineering team and local lineup over shoreline access LONG BEACH As city crews raced to build large sand berms along the shoreline ahead of an
Longtime Local Insists Current Heat Wave “Still Not as Hot as That One Summer,” Cites No Data
Beach elder’s oral tradition of a hotter, more legendary summer remains scientifically unverified SEAL BEACH As Southern California endures a heat wave forecasters describe as unusually persistent, with inland temperatures
Lifeguards Demand Hazard Pay for Rescuing Influencers From Rip Currents
Union files grievance after third TikTok star needed saving from a “aesthetic” wave NEWPORT BEACH Los Angeles County lifeguards have filed a formal grievance this week demanding a new hazard
Newport Beach Council Weighs Requiring Permits for Watching The Wedge
Bureaucrats propose “Spectator Density Ordinance” after a thousand people showed up to watch waves hit a wall NEWPORT BEACH When nearly a thousand onlookers packed the sand at The Wedge
Local Surfer’s “Twenty-Foot Set” Grows to Tsunami-Class Event by Third Retelling at the Bar
Witnesses confirm wave has doubled in size with every pitcher of beer since Tuesday HUNTINGTON BEACH Local surfer J.T. Mercer went into the water Tuesday afternoon and, by his own
National Weather Service Issues Advisory Politely Reminding Surfers the Ocean Can Kill Them
Beach hazard statement extended through the weekend as officials note the obvious, again SAN DIEGO The National Weather Service on Thursday extended its beach hazard statement through the weekend, warning
Grom Opens Pop-Up Towel-Drying Stand, Charges Twenty Dollars a Head Amid Record Heat Wave
Fourteen-year-old entrepreneur cites “supply and demand” as inland temperatures crest triple digits HERMOSA BEACH As Southern California endures what forecasters are calling an unusually persistent stretch of extreme heat, with
Los Angeles County Lifeguards Now Listing “Rescue Volume” on LinkedIn as Leadership Experience
Two to three saves per shift reframed as “high-throughput crisis management” in competitive job market MANHATTAN BEACH With Los Angeles County lifeguards averaging two to three water rescues per shift
Post-Tropical Elida Gets Fan Club Before Ever Actually Reaching California
Surf forecast Discord server organizes welcome party for storm that will remain offshore OCEANSIDE By the time Post-Tropical Elida had weakened into a remnant low pressure system drifting harmlessly toward
Surf Forecasters Accused of “Manifesting” Swells for Engagement, Deny Everything
Rival forecasting site claims competitor is “willing storms into existence via vibes alone” SAN CLEMENTE A long-simmering rivalry between two competing Southern California surf-forecasting outlets boiled over this week after