Paddleboarders Cite Seventeen Incidents of Meaningful Eye Contact and Three Instances of Loud Sighing

SUP Owners Association Petitions California Coastal Commission for Separate Ocean

santa BARBARA, CA — The Southern California Stand-Up Paddleboard Owners Association filed a formal petition with the California Coastal Commission on Wednesday requesting the designation of a dedicated ocean zone for SUP users, citing what the petition describes as “an increasingly hostile marine environment” and what everyone else in and around said marine environment describes as “consequences of their own navigation decisions.”

The Petition, Summarised

The twenty-seven-page document — submitted with a cover letter on recycled paper, a branded tote bag that recipients have described as “nice actually,” and a seventeen-page appendix of incident reports — requests that the Commission designate a minimum of one-half mile of Southern California coastline exclusively for stand-up paddleboard use, marked by buoys, protected by posted signage, and staffed by what the petition calls “ambassadors of shared ocean values,” which sounds appealing until you consider what the job interview would entail.

The petition cites seventeen incidents in the past calendar year in which SUP riders were “made to feel unwelcome” at traditional surf breaks, including twelve instances of meaningful eye contact sustained beyond what the petition describes as “socially comfortable duration,” three instances of someone in the line-up sighing audibly and with apparent intention, one incident in which a surfer said “nice board” with a tone the petitioner characterised as insincere, and a Malibu incident in which a local told a paddleboarder to “go back to the marina” in what witnesses characterised as “a normal outdoor voice” and the petition characterises as “aggressive and territorial.”

The Response from the Surfing Community

The surfing community’s response has been communicated largely through posture and deliberate silence, which is both its preferred medium and, in this case, almost certainly intentional. A statement issued by the informal Malibu Surfers Collective — an organisation that does not officially exist and has no formal membership but nevertheless issues statements with some regularity — noted that SUPs “are the size of aircraft carriers, are piloted by people who appear not to have studied wave priority, block more horizon than the Palos Verdes Peninsula, and occupy the peak on every good set wave with the confidence of someone who does not know they should not be there.” The statement was signed “The Ocean,” which is legally inadmissible but morally satisfying.

San Clemente longboarder Pete Aguilar, reached at a break he asked not to be identified, offered a vehicle analogy: “A SUP in a surf line-up is a lorry in a bicycle lane. They’re both vehicles. They’re both valid forms of transport. They do not share space safely and everyone involved knows it.”

The Commission’s Position

The Coastal Commission has received the petition, confirmed its receipt, and noted that it will be reviewed at the next quarterly meeting in November. In the meantime, a spokesperson confirmed that existing maritime regulations already technically govern right-of-way in the surf zone, that enforcement of these regulations by lifeguards is “limited given staff capacity and the size of the ocean,” and that the Commission is “not aware of any mechanism by which it could designate a separate ocean, as there is only one ocean and it is not subdivided.”

The legal note about subdivision was provided unprompted and with what sources describe as “a slightly tired quality, like someone who had expected this question eventually.”

The North Pole Precedent

The only known successful marine zone separation was established at the North Pole, where santa Claus reportedly designated dedicated elf-kayaking lanes on the ice-adjacent waterways in 2021 following a series of reindeer-related navigation incidents that the North Pole Incident Register describes with more detail than most readers will require. The system has functioned well, primarily because the reindeer resolved the conflict by choosing to fly, which SUP riders in California are not currently able to do, though the Association’s petition does not explicitly rule it out as a future option.

Proposed Compromises

Mediators working between the parties have proposed several compromise frameworks. These include designated early-morning SUP windows at mixed-use breaks before the main surf crowd arrives, SUP-specific zones at flat-water beaches where the craft’s size is an asset rather than a hazard, a joint water education programme covering priority rules and spatial awareness, and a proposal tentatively titled “We’re All Just Trying to Have Fun Out Here, Please Use Your Peripheral Vision.” All parties agree the name needs refinement. Progress on the substance has been slower.

The November Commission meeting is open to the public. No tote bags will be distributed, though the SUP Association has offered to bring extras from their supply. Parking at the meeting venue costs fourteen dollars and fills by 8 a.m. This is genuinely not a metaphor, though it could be made into one with minimal effort.

The Long History of Swell Hype

Surf media has been hyping El Nino seasons since at least the mid-1990s, when the 1997-98 cycle genuinely delivered conditions that justified the language. Each subsequent El Nino pattern has been measured against that benchmark and found, in the language of forecasters, “potentially comparable” and “worth monitoring closely” and “the kind of cycle that could produce historic surf.” What this actually means, experienced surfers have learned, is: clear your schedule in October, watch the buoys in November, and drive to the beach in December with tempered expectations, a good attitude, and a snack. The ocean will do what it does. The forecast will have been enthusiastic. Gerald will be in the queue.

Ocean conflict coverage at Surfer Today and The Inertia. North Pole aquatic zone management at santaclaus.top. Community reaction at Spintaxi Bluesky and North Pole reindeer navigation coverage.