Surf City First Date Wipes Out When Neither Can Actually Surf
Huntington Beach Couple’s Beach Date Reveals Devastating Truth: Both Landlocked Frauds
By Annika Steinmann | Bohiney.com Staff Writer
HUNTINGTON BEACH, CA — A promising first date between Phoenix transplant Derek Mason, 29, and recent Midwest arrival Brittany Chen, 27, crashed spectacularly on Saturday when both parties discovered the other had wildly exaggerated their surfing abilities on their respective dating profiles.
The date, which Mason suggested take place at Huntington Beach Pier with the bold proposal “we should totally surf,” unraveled within minutes when Chen arrived carrying a borrowed surfboard she clearly didn’t know how to hold and Mason emerged from his car wearing a wetsuit that was both backwards and inside-out.
The Setup: Coastal Credibility on the Line
According to their Bumble conversation logs, both Mason and Chen had presented themselves as “total beach people” who “basically live in the ocean” and “can’t imagine life away from the waves.”
“Looking back, all the signs were there,” Mason later admitted to his roommate. “Her profile photos were all at the beach, but she was never actually in the water. She was just standing near it. Sometimes holding a surfboard. But never on it. I should have known.”
Chen, for her part, claims Mason’s profile photos showed him “looking super athletic at the beach” in what turned out to be a carefully curated collection of images from a single afternoon three years ago when he visited Southern California on vacation.
“He had one photo where he was waxing a surfboard,” Chen told friends. “I assumed that meant he surfed regularly. Turns out he borrowed the board from a friend and had no idea why people wax surfboards. He thought it was for grip and just went with it.”
The Beach Arrival: Red Flags Everywhere
Witnesses at the beach reported that Mason arrived 20 minutes late, struggled to remove his surfboard from his roof rack for seven minutes, and then walked toward the water carrying the board upside-down.
“I watched him try to put the board on his head like he’d seen in movies,” reported lifeguard Jake Peterson, 23. “The leash was wrapped around his ankle before he even got to the sand. I knew immediately this was going to be entertaining.”
Chen, meanwhile, had borrowed a board from her neighbor and was attempting to carry it in a way that local surfer Travis Martinez described as “like someone holding a foreign object they’d discovered on an alien planet.”
“She was gripping it from the middle with both hands in front of her like a battering ram,” Martinez observed. “The fins were facing forward. I almost intervened for safety reasons, but honestly, I wanted to see where this was going.”
The Moment of Truth
The date reached its inevitable conclusion when both parties stood at the water’s edge, staring at the waves with what Peterson described as “the fear of God in their eyes.”
“The waves were maybe two feet,” Peterson said. “Absolutely perfect beginner conditions. But they were both just standing there, frozen. Finally, Derek suggested they maybe just walk on the beach instead and Brittany agreed so fast I heard her from the lifeguard tower.”
What followed was an 18-minute stroll along the shore where both parties attempted to salvage their beach credibility while simultaneously avoiding any activity that would expose their complete lack of ocean skills.
“She asked if the water was always this wet,” reported beachgoer Lisa Rodriguez, who was setting up nearby. “He responded by calling a wave a water hill. I’ve never heard a surfer call it that. Because surfers don’t call it that. Because that’s insane.”
According to Martinez, the couple then spent 15 minutes discussing whether they should try paddleboarding instead before realizing neither knew what paddleboarding was either.
The Confession: Honesty Too Late
Unable to maintain the charade any longer, Mason finally admitted he’d moved to California from Phoenix six months ago and had been to the beach “maybe four times.”
“The relief on her face was immediate,” Peterson recalled. “She admitted she was from Ohio and had only moved to Huntington Beach three months ago because she thought it would make her seem more interesting on dating apps. They both just stood there laughing at themselves. It was actually kind of sweet. Still awkward as hell, though.”
The couple’s surfboards remained planted in the sand, unused, throughout the entire date. Neither attempted to enter the water beyond ankle depth.
“At one point, a wave touched Derek’s foot and he jumped back like it was lava,” Rodriguez observed. “Brittany asked if the ocean had sharks. In two feet of water. During the daytime. I had secondhand embarrassment for them both.”
The Pivot: Honesty at the Pier
Abandoning all pretense of beach credibility, Mason and Chen relocated to Ruby’s Diner at the end of the pier, where they spent 45 minutes bonding over their mutual fraudulence and shared terror of the ocean.
“They were laughing about how they’d both pretended to be beach people when they were actually landlocked their entire lives,” reported server Ashley Kim. “It was actually really cute. They ordered milkshakes and took off their wetsuits. Well, she helped him get his off because he’d put it on wrong. That’s when I thought maybe this could work out.”
The date concluded with both parties agreeing to try again, this time with an activity neither had lied about being good at.
“We’re going mini golfing next week,” Chen told friends later. “We both admitted we’re terrible at it. No pressure. No pretending. Just two bad mini golfers on a date. It’s perfect.”
Expert Analysis: The Coastal Fraud Phenomenon
Dr. Jennifer Walsh, a relationship therapist specializing in dating app deception, explains that coastal location fraud is increasingly common among transplants.
“People move to beach cities and immediately update their profiles to look like surf culture natives,” Dr. Walsh explained. “They buy board shorts, learn surf terminology from YouTube, and hope no one challenges them to actually surf. It’s the dating equivalent of stolen valor, except no one gets hurt, just embarrassed.”
According to dating psychology research, profile misrepresentation is common, with studies showing people often present idealized versions of themselves online. Beach lifestyle claims are particularly susceptible to exaggeration among recent coastal transplants seeking to fit into their new environment.
Dating app Bumble, where the couple matched, released a statement: “We encourage honesty in profiles. But we also understand that I moved here three months ago and am terrified of waves doesn’t photograph as well as beach lifestyle enthusiast.”
The Aftermath: Finding Common Ground in Incompetence
Text records show Chen messaging her friends: “went on a date with a fake surfer, turns out I’m also a fake surfer, we’re going mini golfing now.” Mason updated his Instagram bio from “Living that surf life” to “Living near the surf, from a safe distance.”
Both have since removed the surfing references from their dating profiles and replaced them with “enjoys beach walks” which, as Peterson notes, “is at least honest.”
“The beautiful thing about awkward first dates at the beach is that the ocean doesn’t judge you,” Peterson observed. “It just sits there, doing its thing, while you stand on the shore pretending you know what you’re doing. We see it every weekend. These two just had the courage to admit they had no idea. That’s actually pretty rare.”
When reached for final comment, both Mason and Chen confirmed they’re planning to take actual surf lessons together, “someday, maybe, if we work up the courage.”
Their surfboards remain in their respective garages, gathering dust but serving as reminders of the day they met.
The couple has since had four more dates, all involving activities they can actually do, and recently made their relationship Instagram official with a caption: “Started as fake surfers, staying as real people.”
Got your own beach dating disaster? Email us at stories@bohiney.com. Actual surf skills not required.
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About the Author: Annika Steinmann reports on California dating disasters for Bohiney.com. She also cannot surf but at least admits it in her bio. The bar is low.
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