$7/Month “Reality Check” Plan Informs Users Conditions Are “Bad,” “Also Bad Tomorrow,” and “You Should Probably Just Go to the Gym”
Reported by Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat.
EL SEGUNDO, CA — In a transparency initiative that company insiders are already describing as “a well-intentioned catastrophe,” Surfline launched a new subscription tier this week called Surfline Honest, a $7-per-month plan that delivers surf forecasts described, according to the company’s press release, with “radical, unprecedented, legally reviewed accuracy.”
After 72 hours, the plan has attracted 14 subscribers, three of whom have already canceled. One cancellation note read: “I did not pay to be told to go to the gym.” Another read: “I prefer the other version.” A third read only: “Why.”
What Surfline Honest Delivers
“Surfline Honest uses the same meteorological data as our premium plans,” said product director Allison Park in a video announcement that has received 214 views and a comment reading “lol no thanks.” “The difference is we’ve removed the aspirational language. We are done saying ‘fun, punchy conditions with playful ramps.’ We are going to say what we see.”
What Surfline sees, in the current Southern California window, is: waist-high surf of “low to very low quality,” onshore winds from 7am, “meaningful improvement unlikely before Thursday,” and, for the foreseeable 16-day outlook, “conditions consistent with a bathtub during a slow drain cycle.”
The notifications are equally unvarnished. Monday’s push notification to Surfline Honest subscribers read: “Knee high. Crumbling. Not worth it. Seriously, stay home.” Tuesday’s read: “Slightly worse than yesterday. We told you.” Wednesday’s was simply: “Gym.”
The Premium Tier, For Context
Surfline’s standard premium plan ($108/year) uses a proprietary language system developed over decades to make all surf conditions sound compelling. Waist-high crumble becomes “fun, punchy beachbreak with lots of energy.” Flat becomes “glassy and meditative.” Closed-out garbage becomes “raw, powerful, for advanced surfers only.”
“The premium copy is technically accurate,” explained one Surfline editor who asked not to be identified because they have a mortgage. “Waist-high surf IS fun if you have low standards. We’re not lying. We’re curating perspective.” The editor then looked out the window at the Pacific Ocean, which was doing nothing in particular. “It’s a service. People want to be encouraged to get in the water. If we tell them the truth they’ll just stay home.”
When asked if that is perhaps the appropriate response to the truth, they declined to answer.
The Market Research That Led Here
Surfline’s internal research, portions of which were shared with Bohiney Magazine, shows that 73 percent of its subscribers check the forecast daily regardless of conditions, that 61 percent go surfing even when the forecast says “don’t,” and that 44 percent describe themselves as “addicted to the hope of surf” rather than surf itself.
The Honest tier was designed for the remaining 26 percent, “people who say they want the truth,” said Park. “Turns out, they don’t. Or they do, but not in a format they’re willing to pay for.” She described this as “a discovery about human nature” and said the company was “taking it seriously,” which apparently means keeping the aspirational language in the main product and the honest language in a product nobody buys.
The Surfline wave cam at Manhattan Beach, which broadcasts 24 hours a day, currently shows a pelican and what may be a small wave or may be a boat wake. Twelve thousand people checked it this morning. Eleven thousand nine hundred and eighty-six of them subscribed to the premium plan. They reported feeling “cautiously optimistic.”
Competitors Respond
Surfline’s main competitor, Magic Seaweed (now part of Surfline, awkwardly), has not introduced a similar honesty tier. A spokesperson said the company “trusts surfers to apply their own critical reading skills to forecast language,” which is the polite way of saying surfers will believe whatever they want to believe and the industry has stopped worrying about it.
Wetsand.com, a beloved and deeply un-fancy California forecast site, has been providing brutally honest surf reports since 1995 at no charge and with no algorithm. A recent post read: “Nothing real exciting showing up on the crystal ball. We will continue to wallow in mediocrity for at least the next week.” Fourteen Surfline Honest subscribers canceled their plans after discovering Wetsand exists. The three remaining subscribers have not yet discovered Wetsand. They are being monitored.
Swellmagnet.com also offers honest California surf forecasting at no cost, proof that truth has a price point of zero and aspiration commands a premium.
For forecast conditions at the bottom of your expectations, visit NewsThump.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/